Letter to Grandma

When I went to visit Grandma on Friday, Trisha had me read her a letter. What a sweet idea!

Grandma,

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and hope you are doing well. When we make it up to Logan, I’d like to visit you in person but this will have to do for now.

I am currently working on Ari’s Christmas stocking – the felt kind that asks you to embroider, sequin, and applique pieces to each other until a beautiful stocking emerges. It’s the same kind that you made for all your grandkids. I think of you as I sew the stocking. It sure is a labor a love - 90 or so pieces that are each hand sewn. You must have loved your grandchildren a lot to make them each one. I am lucky to have finished three.

Zach is loving first grade. He loves recess the most, followed closely by lunch. Each day, we have a conversation about lunch – what he ate, who he sat by, what was said. It makes me laugh that lunch is such a highpoint for him. He is playing soccer this season and seems to enjoy it. Each game, he does better and better. Zach really likes to play defender and keep the ball away from his team’s goal. He also has his first loose tooth! Zach is a great kid and growing up so fast.

Halle is in preschool and loves it. I enjoy hearing all the things that she learns each day. Yesterday, she went to the dentist on a field trip. I can’t believe what she retained. She now wants to brush her teeth three times a day and even told me that Sprite was bad for her. When I told her you could drink Sprite sometimes, she said, “No! The dentist told me I couldn’t!” Grandpa Allan would be so proud! Halle is playing soccer as well. She is a fast, little runner and loves to score goals.

Ari is growing like a weed and babbling left and right. The other day she was on my shoulders and kept peeking her head down to talk to me. Brandon thinks she sounds like she is gobbling. I love that she participates in the family conversation, even if it is only to gobble. She will also read books to herself. She turns the pages and while looking at the pictures, she’ll gobble gobble gobble. When she’s not gobbling, she can say a few real words like dada, mama, bubble, cheese, ball, bite, teeth, bye bye, and Halle. Ari adores her daddy. I think she likes me fine, but Daddy is her true love. They have a sweet, little relationship.

I love you so much and keep you in my prayers.

Love,

Trisha

New Digs

Grandma enjoyed having breakfast later. They woke her up at 8, instead of 6:30. She had to dress first, so breakfast wasn't over until 9. Lunch is at 11 - so she said she wasn't very hungry for lunch. Still, she was happier with that new breakfast schedule. She told JaNae that they woke her up at midnight to get a urine sample via a catheter. Why a catheter and why at midnight? I hope she was mistaken. That is crazy.

Now she is being dismissed from rehab (as of November 2nd), so they are working out the details to get her at Legacy House.

If Grandma can move to Legacy House, I’m thinking she will be so much happier. Every time I visit, she tells me that is where she wants to go. I went visiting teaching last night (to my friends with a mother in Legacy House). They were saying that meals are anytime within a two and a half hour range. If their mom is sleeping in, the staff lets her sleep and brings her breakfast later on. No one has to suggest that. They figure it out on their own. Mark said that the food is great and he often eats there with his mom.

I think we would be so much happier if we moved her sooner (early next week) rather than later. We can move her any time we want; it isn’t like a hospital where you have to wait to be dismissed. Moving furniture is going to be easier before the snow flies.

JaNae arrives on Saturday. Moving Grandma out soon would make JaNae’s visit so much more productive as we would know what Grandma needs from the house and what she needs to buy. I think she will have a fridge at Legacy House. She may want some of her dishes and possibly her microwave. I think we also need to winterize the house and terminate services such as TV and phone. I just called her home number and never got a message that the phone is disconnected.

Having JaNae there during the move is perfect – as she can help Grandma adjust to her new setting, meet people, come up with a reasonable schedule.

I just got a phone call from Charles Jennings (764-1111) at Allen-Hall Mortuary. Months ago I had inquired about a pre-planned burial. My thinking was that if you get the money out of Grandma's bank account then you know the burial costs are covered. Otherwise, if assisted living takes all her money, Medicare takes all but $2000 for burial. (Typical costs are $8000). However, when we mentioned a pre-planned burial to Norm, he said he thought it was a waste of money. I'm not sure what that means. Is he planning on cremation? Anyway, I didn't say anything more as my "interest" is not appreciated.

This Charles said that in addition to taking money out for a pre-planned burial, Medicare allows you to take out money for burial costs of all your children and their spouses. Surprising, huh? If Grandma paid for all of that out of her funds, that would strip her funds quickly. That seems a bit over the top to me.

New Schedule

I decided to stop by this morning and help Grandma have a voice in her schedule. She was asleep in her chair when I got their at 8:45. She said she hadn't slept well - as her legs kept bothering her.

I brought the nurses into her room and explained that getting up at 6:30 is Grandma's worst nightmare. I wanted Grandma to be able to decide what she wants to do. She has been telling them she does NOT want to get up early, but they have been ignoring her. As we visited, it came out that as much as she hates getting up so early, she still did NOT want to give up a hot breakfast. We decided to have them wake her up at 9, warm up breakfast in the microwave, and eat in her room. We'll see how that goes. Hopefully, she'll be allowed to get a few more hours rest.

She must be feeling better

Grandma must be feeling better. She is getting more and more vocal about the indignities of being awakened at 6:30 a.m. - to sit in the hallway and wait for breakfast. I can't say that I blame her. Kim was up for the weekend. We dropped by on Saturday to take Grandma for a walk around the neighborhood. She loved seeing Kim, but made it clear that she was incensed that she could not talk the aids out of getting her up at 6:30.

Today, Kim and Steve went back to take her flowers and visit. She was STILL so mad about her schedule. It does seem absolutely ridiculous to me. Breakfast is so not worth getting up for.

Doing Well

Steve and I stopped by to visit Grandma on the way to dinner. She was in the dining room. The dining room is always mostly empty, with few extra chairs. With two of us visiting, I had to scrounge chairs from quite a distance. I asked the aid if Sunshine Terrace was filled, indicating the dining room was always so empty. She said the various wings have their own dining rooms. She said that they only had one empty room in their wing, but that the reason the dining room is so vacant is because the majority of people in Wing 2 choose to eat in their rooms. It sure makes for boring company. When we ate at Pioneer Valley, every table was alive with discussions. People were laughing. Stories were being shared. It was a happy time. At Sunshine Terrace, there is none of that in the Wing 2 dining room. She eats with the same three other people for every meal, but I don't sense any camaraderie at all. They don't even acknowledge each others' presence at the table. They are there to eat, period.

We had heard she had been sick with a urinary tract infection, but she seemed much better. Bob came as we were visiting, so it was fun to see him.

Grandma said she was still doing physical therapy. She said Debbie, Sally and the kids came by today, as they are on fall break. Aside from talking to visitors, I don't get the impression that Grandma does anything besides eat, watch TV, and go to therapy.

Famous Nephew

I dropped by the nursing home on my way to work this morning, as I wanted to see Grandma's face when I told her Lars received a Nobel prize. It was front page news this morning, so I grabbed a newspaper so she could see the headlines. She was very pleased.

Grandma was just finishing breakfast when I arrived. It almost looked like she was asleep at the table. I wheeled her back to her room and transferred her to her recliner. I wasn't very good at it, but she could support herself well enough to make the shift.

She was able to tell me about her visitors and her therapy. She was having a little bit of trouble hearing me. I wish she would wear hearing aids. I think it would make a WORLD of difference.

Exploring

When we went to visit Grandma today, she was doing great. She had just returned from therapy. I asked her if she knew what had been decided about continuing in rehab. She said she wasn't sure, but thought they were keeping her another ten days. I asked her where she wanted to go after she was released from rehab. She told me she wanted to go to Legacy House because she knew several people there. I asked if she knew people at Sunshine Terrace, but she said she didn't.

Grandma was cold, so we turned on the heater in her room and soon had it sweltering. She was delighted with the temperature.

Lauren, Liam, and Piper came by. The kids wanted to ride in the wheel chairs, so Steve and I took turns pushing Piper while Liam worked the other wheelchair. It was fun seeing Sunshine Terrace through a child's eyes. We touched the plush flowers attached to the railings. We noticed scarecrows and witches. We named all the fake fruit in the bowl in the dining room. We stopped to watch the fish in the aquarium. We explored many corridors I'd never been down. I thought we would find lots of older people who would be excited to see children, but we didn't. Most were in such poor shape that they were really not very interested in or able to care about others.I thought one woman was signaling to us, but when we got closer realized she was just pointing to a chair that she thought had been taken from her unfairly. One woman we passed was excited to see Pipe and gave her a high five. It was pretty cute. Like Grandma, I didn't see anyone I knew during the whole excursion.

Twinkle in her eye

I stopped by to visit Grandma after work. She was eating dinner, unassisted, with regular glasses. She did have a clamp on ring on her plate which provided a lip against wish to push the food onto a spoon. She had a twinkle in her eye and acted great. She could tell me Lauren and the kids came by to visit.

She still isn't sleeping well - getting up four times for bathroom breaks, but is doing well otherwise.

I asked the nurse what they had discussed as far as rehab, but she was clueless. At first she thought I was talking about going ON rehab instead of OFF, so she was totally unaware that anything might be changing.

Breakfast

I stopped by to visit Grandma on the way to work. It was 7:30. She said she had slept better than she had been - but her neck was bothering her. I told her I would bring her in one of the special neck pillows I use. Maybe that will help.

She was already dressed and at the nursing station to have her meds. I took her to breakfast. We visited about what Steve was doing today and she was alert and talkative. I asked her if she was going to activities (like piano performances). She said she has not - because she is sleeping most of the time. I would rather see her on a schedule where she doesn't get up until 10 and is awake more in the afternoon and evening. A 6:30 wake-up doesn't seem the best for her. It also makes it tough for us to visit in the evening as she goes to bed so early.

I asked her if she enjoyed her breakfast (cut up french toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs). She said it was cold, so we sent it back to be warmed up. She wanted her eggs salted, but the salt shaker was not only dirty but the holes were plugged. We sent it back to be cleaned. She realized she needed to be more vocal about what she wanted.

On the road again...

They had an evaluation meeting about Grandma today. She is doing well enough that they don't foresee her needing Rehab for longer than a week or ten days. She is a one-person assist (though that could change), so she is free to go to assisted living (rather than a nursing home). I know Legacy House (which is where we were going to take her before the falls) doesn't have any room now. Of course, availability is constantly changing.

Kathy suggested that we keep her at Sunshine Terrace until she can move to the place (and type of room) that she desires. Otherwise, we'll end up moving her twice. Plus, the rooms are different sizes - so knowing the room size will help in buying/moving the right furniture for the room.

At any rate, it is exciting news.

Moving on her own power

When we dropped by Sunshine Terrace on Saturday afternoon, Diane Fiefield was there with flowers she had brought. She said as she arrived Alda was mozying down the hall ON HER OWN POWER! I have noticed that they don't put the footrest on the wheelchair. I've seen her moving her feet as they push her, but I've never seen her actually moving the chair by herself. Amazing! She said that Diane had helped her move from the wheelchair to her recliner. That sounds like a one-person assist, doesn't it? I'm totally shocked that an older person would even attempt to move Alda - so Alda must have been able and willing to help.

I had made lemon squares, which she seemed to enjoy. She indicated she was cold, so I got McKenzie to show me how to adjust the temperature. While you can't just set the temperature higher, you can turn the heater on to a fixed setting (high, medium, low). The heat just poured in.

The hand towel I had seen earlier in the week was on the back of the recliner - almost as a protective cover. I asked Alda what it was doing, but she told me it was just a hand towel that she used in the bathroom. I have rags that look ten times better. No kidding. It was threadbare and the binding had separated from the cloth. I was going to say something to them, but decided to just take it so it couldn't be used again. I have a ton of hand towels I don't need, so I'll just bring one of mine when I return.

It was another beautiful day in Cache Valley so we TRIED to get her to go on a walk with us in the wheelchair, but could not talk her into it. I would think she would be anxious to leave the confines on her room, but she wasn't at all interested.

We called Lynda for her birthday. Alda just lit up talking to her. I heard her tell Lynda that she wasn't staying at Sunshine Terrace much longer as she was doing much better. She was going to move to Legacy House. When I queried her after, she said that no one had told her she was moving to Legacy House, but that they had determined that herself. She knew that Bob and Norm were coming on Monday morning (at ten) for an evaluation with the case worker. She was very much aware of days, times, and events.

As we left her with the television blaring and the heat pouring in, she was happy as a clam.

Not sleeping

I dropped by Sunshine Terrace around 6:30. Alda was zonked!!! I woke her up, but it took her a while to register where she was. She said she hasn't been sleeping well this week. She had her hair cut and permed. Her robe and hand towel were on the chair. I asked her if she was getting ready for bed, but she said they were there from morning. I've never seen them left out before, so I don't know if she got that right. She thanked me for coming. I asked her if anyone had been to visit. She told me, "No", but then indicated Bob had been there. Maybe she thought I meant someone besides family.

She had a new remote control. Yeah!

There was a call button on a long cord by her chair, but it was laying on the floor. She said she has used it before, but I don't know how she reaches it. I'm sure it's not supposed to be on the floor, but I didn't see any way to attach it to the table or her chair.

I love you, who are you?

I'm reading the book "I love you. Who are you?" It is about caring for people with Alzheimer's. I noticed the multiple references to having a good care facility. While many cared for the patient in their home, the book keeps referring to finding good workers. Some said they transferred care facilities multiple times. Another said he became a "drill instructor" in asking for care for his loved one. I'm reluctant to become the drill instructor myself - as it seems like there needs to be one family member to report to - not many. However, I'm hoping someone is being an advocate for Grandma. Why does she have to get up at 6:30? Why is lunch at 11? Why is there no call button by her chair?

I talked to Jessica (the manager) at Legacy House (435-232-3781). She said that a person needs to be a "one person assist" to qualify for Legacy House. I have seen a single person move Alda - so I'm thinking that qualifies. Jessica said she has Alda on her "wait list", but has no openings now. She does have openings in the memory unit.

I told Jessica that I had been told when Alda no longer qualifies for rehab, we will only be given three days notice. Jessica said they should give you several weeks notice - as it doesn't come as a complete shock. I told her I wasn't getting any info from the nurse. She told me to talk to the social worker (Leanne Loscher 435-752-0411) who could tell me what is happening with rehab. She also said to tell Leanne that after rehab we are considering moving Alda to Legacy House. Then Leanne will set up the evaluation with Legacy House to make sure they can take her.

After two attempts to reach Leanne, I decided to just send an email. My mother-in-law, Alda Allan, is currently in the rehab unit. I need to understand her situation better. In particular,

(1) How is the rehab going? Is there a way of getting regular updates? Is she making progress? Is she in danger of termination?

(2) How can we get a call button that is reachable from her chair?

(3) Is she being awakened at 6:30 a.m.? Why is that? Is another schedule possible?

I talked to Leanne. This is what I learned. Laura Opperman is her social worker. Alda is in danger of losing Rehab status (paid for by Medicare). She has good days and bad. Occupational Therapy is the main concern. They are looking for daily improvement. Bob is evidently meeting with the social worker on Monday to talk about her status. They will only give us three days notice before pulling her off Medicare payment. She will be able to stay where she is, but we will just be paying at that point. She is considered a two person assist for safety. Sometimes she is just a one-person assist. Sometimes it requires two (depending on whether or not she is helpful). Meals are early (7:30-8:30 for breakfast, 11:30-12:30 for lunch). She can skip breakfast (and get cold cereal), but times are set.

I'm feeling the need for communication between family members...

A good day

We had to make a trip to Bear Lake to get our boat winterized, and dropped in on Mom on our way back. She said she had been in pain and had slept most of the day, but she was doing great cognitively. We wanted to take her for a walk, as the weather was absolutely beautiful, but we couldn't talk her into it. She said she had just gotten back from therapy and didn't want to move. We called JaNae, and Alda was so excited to talk to her.

Steve had talked to Lynda the night before. Lynda said that she talks to the nurses each week. I decided that is what I should do, but the nurse I talked to knew nothing. I asked about Alda's BAD case of cradle cap (or whatever it is). She said, "I haven't worked for a few days so I don't know." I said, "She has had this for months, so the last two days would make no difference. She took at look but just suggested a dandruff shampoo. I told her I didn't know what the treatment was, but it wasn't dandruff shampoo. I found a comb and worked on trying to get rid of some of it. I worried about drawing blood, so I just got the easy flakes. It was absolutely terrible - big flakes the size of a dime and affected areas three inches across. I didn't get the feeling the nurse was going to do anything about it. My Mom had really dry scalp as she got older and there was some medication they put on several times a week. I can't remember what it was, but it really helped. This does not seem like just dry scalp, however. This is like someone dropped gobs of Elmer's glue on her scalp.

I asked about Alda's rehab - but the nurse knew nothing, saying I would have to talk to the rehab people. I don't know how I'm supposed to figure out what is happening if no one person has all the info. She could have said, "Let me call and get that update for you", but she didn't.

Alda's remote didn't work. They had changed the battery on Sunday, but it still didn't work. They said they would call in a work order.

A sister Fiefield came while we were there. She was very impressed with how well Alda was doing.